Such a lovely high!

Home from some of the most wonderful 8 days of my life, never having thought I could string together so many in a row! Despite the logistics of my support systems, Dottie loaded up my oxygen concentrater, the compressor that refills some of my bottles, the CPAP, wheelchair, shower chair and a dozen non-refillable bottles in the new shell on the back of my pickup, and she drove (it's not that I can't, but since November, she insists) from here to Dayton. (After she changed the oil in it and did all the other things I always did before we set out on the road, plus mowed and caught all the laundry up!)

My older son and his wife set up rooms for our trip, and I allowed for 3 days at the National Museum of the Air Force, a day of rest, and then a day to visit some Wright Brothers sites that are there in Dayton as well. There are a group of "old-timers" I've chatted with off and on for years on a message board for veteran's who flew the B-36 who had told me it would take that long to do it justice, and since the admission was free, I planned accordingly. For years I've driven by it as we made the trip to Vermont to visit family, always intent on getting there and never taking time to do other things along the way. Last year, thinking it was my last chance, she suggested stopping for a day either going or coming home, but I knew that would only break my heart as I'd know how much I hadn't seen...

Being in the shape I'm in and dependent on others for mobility except for short distances, I knew I shouldn't be dragging my Nikon and lenses and a bag. When Nokia started offering a cell phone with Zeiss optics (Zeiss as in lenses like the Rolleiflex I shot years ago; like the good lens that was in my 4X5 Graphic, or on my Dad's Hasselblad) I started doing some research and liking what I read, got one. Though I miss my other lenses, I got by pretty well with my new Lumia and it's simple enough that Dottie can shoot it as well, and did a lot as she could shoot angles I couldn't, and get to places I couldn't in my chair.

Allowing the extra days at the Air Force Museum was the perfect call; we took 4 days and still didn't quite manage the whole thing! A million square feet of aircraft, engines, related systems, memorabilia...I didn't read every card, but probably 85% of them, photographed most so I could come home and look up more info on the ones I wanted, and we photographed almost every aircraft, missile, space capsule, engine...I was in mechanic's Heaven!

A plane I've loved since the first photo I saw at about 11, the Boeing P-26.

Divided into galleries by era, we spent the first day in the "Early Years" gallery; the 2nd in "Air Power" (the build up to WW2 and through it to it's conclusion). The 3rd day we started in the "Missile Gallery" (I finally understand the theory that makes geosynchronous orbit work!) and moved out into the "Cold War" because they were the furthest from the entrance, and I was feeling very guilty about Dottie wheeling me through this wonderful place. At the end of the 3rd day we came to the training mock-up of the Space Shuttle, and I told her to go ahead and go up by herself because I didn't want her pushing me up the ramps for it. It was late in the afternoon, and she said we'd see how she felt in the morning.

Notice, that was the end of the 3rd day, and my wonderful wife didn't even question whether we were coming back for a 4th!

So the next morning, she did take me up into the trainer. I was grateful for the 5 flat stops on the incline going up, though they didn't really lessen my guilt. After learning and talking to the two docents who were there, we went down the other side and on to the "Korean War and Southeast Asia" gallery, via a corridor filled with much info about the Berlin Airlift. I'd read much about it through the years and still learned things; Dottie was saddened by how much she didn't know, as it was just a footnote in her history class.

There is a very nice cafeteria there with reasonable prices where we ate each day, then went back to the motel so I could take my meds and refill my O2 bottles for the next day. I averaged 5-600 photos per day, and killed the battery in my phone 2 days out of 4 there. (I've since bought a battery bank for my next trip!)

That last day, we didn't get out quite in time to visit the 8th Air Force Control Tower and Nissen hut they have set up outside, a recreation of the ops centers from WW2 and an actual hut brought there from England.; it closed an hour before the Museum itself. We visited the aircraft they have stored outside, and called it a day.

The next day we were supposed to move to Indianapolis, but since it was only a 2 hour drive, Dottie loaded everything up again and we went to the Wright-Dunbar Interpretive Center in downtown Dayton. I thought I knew much of Wilbur and Orville, but had no idea of their connection to Paul Laurence Dunbar. (I have books of his poetry that belonged to my grandmother, along with ones of Countee Cullen.) Along with a museum dedicated to the history of the parachute (again, learning much I didn't know) we crossed over to the  "Wright Cycle Co." shop. Viewing their machinery with their creations in mind only heightens my respect for them.

The night before, as I was planning out our day, I ran across a note about Packard museum that was a few blocks from the Wright Cycle Co.. I have memories of being not much more than a toddler and my Dad working on a Packard at a distant relative's house (something Dad didn't do often; cars usually came to him) and what a beautiful car it was and his reverent tones when talking to the owner about it. With that and their history in aircraft and marine engines, I took a chance and asked her to take me there.

(I should mention at this point that my new phone also does navigation, and proved useful for times like this!)

We parked, she wheeled me across the street and then I had to step up into the showroom of the old dealership building-the real, original dealer's building-and was never so glad I clicked a link! Car after car; engines, a truck, a WWI Liberty aircraft engine (turns out that besides building them, Packard was in on the design), a WW2 PT boat engine...limos, racers...it was a wonderful afternoon!

We got to Indianapolis just before dark that evening and settled into our room with my head swirling with the images of the last 5 days and my heart smiling as I looked back through some of the photos, adding "favorites" to my phone and texting her ones she liked to add to hers.

The next day she took me to Indianapolis Motor Speedway, where I had planned to visit the Hall of Fame Museum. As she paid our admission, they told her about a "behind the scenes" tour that was available. I told her no, that was OK, I didn't want to slow anyone down. They said their van was equipped with a chair lift, and she told me I was going...

And go we did! The grounds, the garages, past the medical facility I've seen so many drivers sent to; on to the "Pagoda", where all the reporters work from, the press conference room, timing and scoring then on up higher to the Hulman family suite (the owner's of the track). Then back down and to the podium, where the drivers receive their trophies (a bit of walking for that, but not much).

Finally, they took us down to the "yard of bricks", the finish line; the only remaining pavement that shows from "The Brickyard" of 1911.

From there it was back to the Museum where I spent the rest of my day among 75 or so of the cars that have won through the years, the Offenhauser engines my Dad used to think the most wonderful ever built, along with a special display of all the turbine cars that tested or ran (some with the same engine that was in my Navy helicopters). Again I was in "motorhead Heaven" and again I killed my camera battery.

Between Dayton and Indy, I'd seen a sign for the Model T Ford Club of America's Museum at Richmond, Indiana. It wasn't far from Indy, so the next morning found us heading east again. Again more delight, more learning, more smiles. At least the camera battery got to charge on the way back to town, because I'd read a blurb in the tourism booklet the night before about Rolls-Royce Heritage operating a museum of Allison engine things (what my helo engines were, among many others). We found it, and I spent the rest of my afternoon in bliss.

The next morning we were supposed to head home, but wanted to mail one last set of postcards with Indianapolis cancellation marks, so I found a Post Office and put it in my GPS. A familiar street name from some research I'd done came up and meant one more stop on our way back towards the freeway.

Though the Andretti Autosports shop wasn't doing tours at the moment, they were kind enough to let Dottie take me in and spend some time among the cars, get some photos, and some autographed photos.

I've been home and rested up some; I'm still picking through photos, because I keep reading up on more things as I do. I've also put away a book that came in while I was gone: "There's Not a Bathing Suit in Russia", a Will Rogers volume from 1927 I picked up. Written about his visit to Russia 9 years after their revolution, Will chiding Congress for letting Russia get ahead of us in aviation fit in nicely with this past few weeks!

I had a doctor's appointment on Monday. He thought I was doing wonderfully, and said keep doing what I'm doing. He also said something about no sign I was ready for hospice, which took me aback, as I wasn't really thinking about it, though I know it will come. He did say that any further chemo would be a real "Hail Mary" because I've already been through so many rounds. He is checking on the Pirfenidone that has finally been released for compassionate use to see if it might keep my lungs from slipping as quickly and not react with the cancer...

So I'm plotting out some day trips for now and getting ready for the 4th of July! A year ago I figured that was my last one, so I'm truly planning to enjoy this one! After that, perhaps another road trip...

May the week, the world, and life be very kind to each of you!

alan

So far it's been a lovely spring!

I spent a few days recovering from the road, then my oldest and his wife came to visit for a week and a half with the "new" grandson. At 6 months, he's 95th percentile in everything except head size, and there he takes after my side of the family, so he's off the chart, but the doctors are finally not worried because he's been consistently there, lol!

They split days between here and her parents. On one of their trips there, they went and had some baby pics taken by a professional photographer that will soon be hanging all around the house. We got the family together once for my nephew's college graduation (a teacher-to-be, hurray) and again just so my sister got some extra time with her newest nephew.

Since Dottie quit work I've had the longest spell without catching anything that I've had since I was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis 18 months ago. It seems she was right, that she really was bringing things home from work! I'd been trying to convince her it couldn't be that and that I'd end up being sick whether she was working in a nursing home or not...shows what I know!

Though I am knocking on my head as I write that!

After Bill and Laura went home, we picked up the John's youngest son and brought him home for a few days-since she's not working and he's out of school, we can do that on weekdays now! He's always very happy to come hang out, watch movies and play video games...the art museum we took him to yesterday wore on his patience a bit, though there were parts he seemed to enjoy.

 Dottie's returning him right now and I'm waiting to see if she comes home with our granddaughter...the one who's 13 and going on 24, I swear! Last fall she was still a little girl, and a few weeks ago she came around the corner with a towel wrapped around her head after a shower and it was like she totally grown up in just a few months.

I've finished 3 of the books I came home from Claremore with; one written by Will's great niece; one a history of the ranch where he grew up, but so much more a history of the land, the people, the territory...a sociological study...a time capsule...from when someone could ranch 60,000 acres and run 10,000 head of cattle and have other ranches almost as large in every direction, through the break up of the ranches into farms and statehood for what began as Indian Territory through the arrival of the railroads and the beginning of the citification of things.

The 3rd book was about a different Will I've always had an interest in-William F. Cody. Years ago I read a book written by Cody's sister that was reprinted with a forward by Zane Grey when Cody died; I'd bought several more about him since. This one was written by someone who formerly ran the Cody Museum in Colorado at his grave site, and besides having access to a lot of memorabilia and photos I'd never seen, he also had access to court documents and things that are making me rethink the stories I'd read until now (about how Cody ended up being buried in Colorado instead of Wyoming).

After the docents at the Will Rogers Memorial pointed me in the direction of some collections of Will's daily telegrams and weekly columns (cross indexed so they are searchable) I picked up the first volume of each of them to fill out the sets I've acquired, and picked up a few first editions of his books that lept from eBay into my mailbox as well. I unwrapped one from 1924 yesterday and it was so perfect that my eyes misted...when a sawbuck can bring a pristine first edition to my door, it's hard to pass up!

I'm plotting out a few more trips for this summer, hoping that my good fortune continues and life keeps letting me play!

May it be kind to each of you as well!

alan

My 2nd childhood...

I've had a lovely week, though it didn't really start out to be. I got my reading of the P.E.T. scan from the cancer doctor on Monday-after the 6 month gap since my last chemo treatment, the cancer is growing again. The tumor is up around 30%; the lymph nodes are showing activity, though not growth. He said it's too soon to start chemo again, that it would weaken more than the result would be worth.

So we decided to try to take a road trip. I couldn't get a portable concentrater, but got some extra bottles from the O2 company, took my machines from here so I could refill the 4 bottles they gave me with it, and we loaded up all of that stuff and my wheelchair and headed south.

I've been wanting to revisit the Will Rogers Memorial since I was a kid; Dad took us there in 1962 (I was 6) and I bought "The Autobiography of Will Rogers" and read it before I was much older, as well as numerous times since. You've all known me to quote him...he's been a big influence on me. Yet, vacations were always about visiting family and we never took them to go places  for "us".

But Dottie made a point of getting me there, and it was wonderful! They've almost doubled the square footage since I was there, very tastefully done architecturally, I might add; the exhibits are fantastic and they have several of his movies playing constantly. I spent far too long in the gift shop after, as well!

The next day we visited the J. M. Davis Firearms Museum (an amazing collection) and had dinner at a Claremore restaurant that was one of the best meals of my life. Friday we headed home, via Oolagah (the town closest to where Will was born) and visited the Will Rogers Ranch, where the house he was born in stands. It was moved uphill about a 1/4 mile to get it out of the area flooded by a lake they filled in the 60's and when I saw it back then it was still sitting on timbers and jacks from the move. Now it sits on a lovely homestead with a period correct barn and furnishings provided by his sisters, some original and some replacements, but correct.

I was very exhausted by the 3rd day, but had a great time. I slept 14 hours last night and I'm still tired, but so very glad we went!

I hope each of you are doing well!

May the week be kind to you all!

alan

Lovely weather we're having...

as thoughts of an old Louis Armstrong track play in the back of my mind...

The last few days have finally seen me winning my battle with that last round of pneumonia. 4 rounds of antibiotics and, after a visit to the cancer doctor last week, his suggestion of a taper dose of prednisone seems to given my body the "oomph" it needed to fight back...this time. As always, foreshadowings of what lies ahead linger, but it's warm outside and I can get out and about again (with assistance) and it's time to enjoy things for a while!

My sons both approach the mid-point of a "normal" life span this month; in their mid-30's, I couldn't be prouder of both of them or the choices they've made in life or their families. Next weekend (weather permitting) will be another of those family gatherings to celebrate their birthdays, along with a nephew who graduates college this year. The years seem to leap by now! My oldest grandson got his "learner's permit" to drive the other day and has been texting me all about the Porsche he has his eye on for his first car...a bit poignant for me because I'd planned last year to buy a set of frame rails and start building something I'd have been putting a body on this summer with his help. Instead I've sent my last stash of magazines and parts catalogs to him because they're a bit hard to look through. I'm still reading "Hot Rod Deluxe" (reprints of things from the "old days" and ones found from then) and a couple of aviation magazines, but much more "then" than "now" things. There is more than enough in the news for now and when I want a break the NASA channel is nice!

As I write, the Barrett-Jackson Palm Beach auction is playing; it always "knocks me out" to see the cars from the high school parking lot, that the neighbors drove or things that Dad and I worked on selling for multiples of what my house is worth!

Dottie gave her notice at work; partly because she's tired of bringing home "bugs" that may or may not be part of what have been "getting to" me as well as fear of bringing home one that really will; partly because there are probably 3 or 4 months of time left that I'll be able to do things before we won't be able to take enough oxygen for that and I become housebound, at which point I won't be able to stay alone anyway. If I can stay healthy we plan to have a fun summer until that time comes. We've bought a "shell" or "cap" for my pickup so we can load up all my accoutrements and perhaps slip away for a few days at a time; beyond that there's going to be as much family and grandkid time as we can manage!

I'm still going to pop in here from time to time, but with her home 24/7 and her "anti-social-media" stance, I'll be looking over my shoulder, lol!

Something that I came across the other day, as I was scanning things...

I'd been taking pictures of the boys and Dottie and she picked up my 35mm. She says I was making comments about her abilities with it...it wouldn't surprise me, I guess!

I hope you each are having a wonderful spring and that summer is kind to all of you!

alan

Finally! A hint of green outside!

I only wish my lungs weren't so jealous that they'd decided they needed a bit of green of their own! I'm in the 2nd week of a battle against a "mild" round of pneumonia they caught in a chest x-ray I had done two weeks ago tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm in for bloodwork and another x-ray and, since there's still a bit of color coming up, a refill on that antibiotic.

We had a few days of 70's last week, but then dropped back into the snowflakes yesterday. They're saying we finally have a warm weekend coming up so maybe we can finally get the front hub put in the Malibu and get it back on the road. The list of things I'm unable to just "go do" now rather irks me sometimes, not only because I can't, but because I have to ask others to, be it my wife or my son. I've had to concede though, because a few weeks ago when "we" put the car up to diagnose it, I got under it at one point (which was easy enough) and getting back up took about 15 minutes as I sat up and recovered, then turned over onto my hands and knees and recovered, then straightened up and recovered, then finally stood up and recovered before I managed to walk 4 feet back to the lawn chair.

So from here on I read the manuals and "supervise" and perhaps hand off a few tools, but my days on the creeper are done, lol! I now know how a turtle feels when he's on his back!

I finally got far enough ahead on last year's leftover medical bills to update the scanner software I needed to make it work with Windows 8 and have been scanning my way through the family archives these past few weeks, trying to get them digitized and backed up along with "cleaning up" a select few in Photoshop as I do. I'm starting with the slides because they're easier than the negatives-at least they're all a uniform size, though I do have some 6x6 ones running around somewhere after I finish the 35mm. Film will be fun when I get there-there's everything from 110 Instamatic stuff running around to 8x10 transparencies. I'm rather curious to see what the meg size on that one will be...

May life be kind to each of you!

alan

Crossroads...

I spent the weekend at one...sadly I wasn't smart enough to bring anything to "conjure" with.

I saw the radiologist on Friday. He seemed to think I was a great candidate for stereotactic radiation, though there was a "small" chance I might react to it, a slight chance that with them doing 5 doses because the tumor is behind my rib that the rib might become brittle and be easily broken or "cracked". I told him that life wasn't exactly easy right now, and that I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I lose any more lung capacity.

He said he would contact the pulmonologist this morning (her first morning back after a spring vacation) and would call me on Tuesday.

After telling both boys what was going on, I did a bit of research on line and found a case history of someone they tried this on in 2008 who was in the very early stages of IPF. He had been through chemo, his lungs were just beginning to show the scarring from the fibrosis and he seemed fine after they did their radiation treatment. When they did the follow up he had developed radiologically induced pneumonia and that kicked off the fibrosis; he went from not being on oxygen at all to where I am now.

So I didn't have a good feeling about it after reading all that!

This morning when the phone rang, Dottie was getting ready for work. I was still in bed, only vaguely noting the ring and that she had answered it. A few minutes later I heard her in the bedroom doorway as I turned over and snuggled back down under the blankets (it was below zero here this morning).

She said the phone call was the radiologist; he had called the pulmonary doctor and she told him "hell no he couldn't do radiation on my lungs", it would kill me.

So now their consensus is that I should go back in 3 months and have another P.E.T. scan so they can figure out if the cancer is spreading again or not.

Though life isn't "easy" at this point, I'm not really ready to "give up". I do dread where it all goes from here...

In the meantime, I've done what I need to this morning and I'm going to heat up some chili for lunch, then crawl under a blanket on the couch and watch a movie or play a video game. While I dealt with the first of the month stuff this morning I caught up on the latest on Ukraine/Crimea/Russia and it's time to escape for a while!

I hope each of you are warm, and that the week is kind!

alan

The pendulum keeps swinging...

Frozen weeks, then a few days of warm; good news, then not so good; the same with my days...good ones, then not so good. Sometimes it even breaks down into hours! Kind of like letting someone else pick your music...

I set up a Pandora account years ago but never really used it. The blue-ray player we bought is a "smart" one, so it will play that, along with NPR stuff and You Tube (been spending a lot of time in Jay Leno's garage lately). I set up a channel of swing stuff starting off with some Erskine Hawkins and it swings along nicely until they decide to throw in something in the same tempo but "urban". I'm not sure if they're just checking to see if I'm awake or what!

One of Dottie's sisters is flying in tonight and Bill, Laura and Liam are driving in from Colorado tomorrow because John and Noel are renewing their wedding vows this weekend for their 15th anniversary. They're also having the "big do" they didn't have a chance to back when they started out. I used to feel guilty when Dad and I were photographing those that Dottie hadn't had a chance at one, but she's assured me enough times through the years that she wouldn't have wanted one even if it was offered that I finally believe her. Our little ceremony in the judge's study in San Diego seems to have worked out pretty well!

I had my visit with the oncologist the other day. He said that with the tumor being the only thing active now, chemo would be too hard on me physically for what return there might be on it. If it wasn't for the fibrosis, they would do radiation to kill what's left of it and then wait to see if it comes back somewhere else.

There is some new technology that targets radiation to a very small area and he is going to discuss with the pulmonologist whether that would still be too much risk for what lungs I have left. The other option is doing nothing and scanning again in a few months to see what's changed.

So another round of doctor's visits while we all come to a concensus...

Meanwhile I keep peeking at the news and watching the Ukraine burn and Syria crumble while those who profess to run the world march to their own drummers! In the idealism of my youth I truly believed that when I got to this age people would have outgrown the idea of killing those they disagreed with...that talking would be something more than a strategic pause while you repositioned or resupplied or tried to gain some other advantage.

Meanwhile we're selling aircraft carriers for a penny for scrap and China's building new ones!

May life be kind to each of you!

alan

Testing...testing...

2 weeks ago I finally saw the pulmonologist for the first time since August. When they tried to do their pulmonary function test my O2 numbers dropped so low they decided not to, and sent me directly in to see her. Since I hadn't heard from the oncologist about scheduling the cancer scan (that would also show the fibrosis in my lungs) she did it, along with an ultrasound EKG of my hear and an ultrasound of my legs to check for clots, which would account for the swelling in my legs and ankles.

She also started me on Lasix to clear the fluid from my system. That seems to have helped as the swelling is almost non-existent now, and though it hasn't helped my lungs (she had thought perhaps there was fluid putting pressure on them as well) it has made me feel better overall. I've also dropped some inches and some weight, so we're continuing with that. It takes about an hour to "kick in" once I take it and then I spend the next 4 or 5 hours running to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes, but life could be worse!

The P.E.T. scan shows that the tumor in my lung is still about the same size it was in the last scan and still active cancer, but it hasn't grown. The 3 lymph nodes no longer show any cancer at all!

She suggested I try and contact the oncologist and see what he plans at this point; perhaps a continuation of the chemo, but at a less frequent interval. He's out of town this week, so I'll be setting something up with him next week. If I continue with chemo that will mean getting a port implanted in my chest, as I can't do any more PICC lines because of the adhesive problems. The dermatitis I already had has been aggravated by the chemo to the point that even Neosporin blistered me last week-not from the antibiotic itself, but the "base" they mixed it into.

I see her again in two weeks to see how things are progressing.

When I saw her last, I wouldn't have bet money on making it through spring; I feel enough better at this point that I figure I'll make it through the F1 season and perhaps the football season as well (I'm still hoping for another Chiefs Super Bowl win before I "get out of here"), which means I'll make another holiday season as well. This last one was kind of hard, because I was pretty sure I wouldn't. I wrapped all of Liam's gifts myself, not that it would mean anything to him, but...

I also made a point of working my way through all my favorite holiday movies...shared a few of them with those who were passing through as well...spent lots of time with family for both the holidays and my birthday...

And then I hung onto the Christmas tree until last week, when I finally let Dottie take it down before we set the house on fire somehow. It was pretty brittle by then, though still green. A few years ago she found some things that I had actually made back in kindergarten and she's used them each year since; she had me write on the back of them this year, and we marked some of the others we've bought in our travels as to when and where we got them.

So that's about it from here for now...

I hope the New Year is being wonderful to each of you!

alan

An early Merry Christmas!

     Billie Holiday swinging in the background...the lights on the tree twinkling...totes of wrapping paper and ribbon gathered to work on getting more of things ready. The majoirity of the shopping was done a week ago, despite me not being able to get "out and about" like I would have before. Bill's dog is curled up at my feet and checking the door everytime he hears a noise to see if Bill, Laura and Liam have come back from her parents. They got here on Thursday and it's been wonderful getting to know Liam as well as seeing his parents again for the first time in a couple of months.

     In a few minutes when I actually settle in to wrap I'll be slipping "White Christmas" into the DVD player. We watched "Holiday Inn" a few days ago-both are favorites of mine, with "Holiday Inn" actually getting an extra half a star for the music for all the other holidays that echoes around in my empty head at the appropriate times.

     My favorite song from "White Christmas" (other than the title track, done in both movies and perhaps more wonderful in the first) is "Count Your Blessings". I've always heard that in my head when I was depressed, or times were rough and it's always managed to change my perspective. This year, it's especially poignant.

     Among those blessings, I count each of you who have found your way here through the years. The ones that still visit now are especially dear right now! Your comments; your kind words; they've meant so much through all of this!

     May your Holidays find each of you near those you love and if you can't be together physically, may you find some other way to be close to each other through this magical season!

    Merry Christmas to each of you and the Happiest of New Years as well!

alan

Letting sleeping dogs lie...

kind of sums things up around here!

They still haven't scheduled the P.E.T. scan because they're trying to give the chemo some time to max its result. I cancelled the pulmonologist appointment accordingly, though I'm beginning to regret it a bit. I'm on my 3rd round of antibiotic, having changed drugs for this 3rd round and finally between it and Mucinex it seems perhaps, grudglingly, the bug is giving up.

I've been keeping better track of my O2 numbers this past week as well and would almost bet money they've slipped a bit again. I drop just wandering around the house now with the concentrator set on numbers that used to let me walk at a fast pace on the treadmill. If I don't concentrate on my breathing I drop to a point that is scary low-down in the 70's. I'm using a shower chair now because that's the time I drop the worst, even with the concentrator maxed out.

So I'm starting to think in months now, rather than years...

Despite Kansas City falling into the "deep freeze" of late, things are coming together nicely for the holidays! A good thing, as I'm not up to shopping like I used to. The box to Vermont is gone and a lot of the shopping for here is done now; we're still waiting on lists from a few hold-outs to finish things. We haven't gotten our tree yet, but will in the next few days. I'm also hoping to get a new glasses prescription as I haven't had new ones in 6 years and my reading is starting to suffer from that along with some badly placed scratches on my old ones.

What I've been lacking there I've been making up watching TV as I've had to spend a lot of time on the couch this past week due to some swelling in my left lower leg (jokes of tapping it didn't make Dottie laugh at all). A few weeks ago I picked a Roku box (internet television running off my wireless router) and between the free outlets available and the others I've spent a lot of hours watching things from it. Now that the Chiefs game is over and I can take my eyes away to fix some lunch, I'll be moving there in just a bit to either watch Dawn French or Chaplin-I haven't quite made my mind up yet. I've also spent some time watching the NASA channel (free) and actually got to see them discussing the delivery vehicle for one of Bill's projects!

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement each time you come here. I know it isn't easy when I don't sugarcoat what's going on but life is a bit too short for that anymore!

I hope the holidays find each of you somewhere wonderful with those you want gathered near!

May the world be kind to each of you!

alan

Mixed weather...mixed life...

60 a few days ago-14 night before last-25 for a high today. Poor Dottie's out shopping and I'm snuggled up at home where it's warm. Some days it pays to be sick!

I had the 12th round of chemo a week ago Friday The nausea hangs on a lot longer and a lot stronger now-there was none until about 4 rounds ago; the drugs took care of it. I got a stronger med after round 10, but the med provider would only authorize 8 pills a month when I was supposed to get 2 a day for a week. I talked to them, then the oncologist did and he got them to authorize 15/round, which is enough to get me through until the 8th day (today) when it finally seems to back off.

I got the PICC line out and will have a port put in for the next round-Kranki was right about that being the best possible choice not only given my allergies, but in that I only have to have it maintained every 6 weeks if I'm not actively getting chemo and it looks like my "maintenance" will be at least that often.

The P.E.T. scan has been moved back to the first week of December, so I won't know any numbers on cancer reduction until then.

Because of the prednizone I was taking for the itch from the bandaging of the PICC line I've put on about 10% weight-wise and it's affected my breathing to the point that I had to back out of trying to go to Colorado to see my newest grandchild. I'm barely getting around the house right now at 500 feet altitude; going for 5700 didn't seem wise. I made it through Sam's Club with Dottie a few nights ago and rested most of the next day. Earlier that day we had to go to one of the larger malls so she could pick out glasses frames and we used the wheelchair I got last month for the first time. I hadn't been in that mall for about 6 years, so she took me around the lower floor before we got her frames; by then I was tired enough that we just came home to take a break before we went to Sam's.

I had some plans of hitting a couple of local art galleries (in the wheelchair) while she was off, but the nausea hanging on until today had me not really feeling like it. Maybe Tueday we'll do one of them. Wednesday she'll spend making pies for Thanksgving, but I really don't mind hanging around the house when she's making a bunch of apple pies!

I'm grateful to each of you who still find your way here to check up on me, and hope that the week is kind to each of you and that Thanksgiving finds you all gathered with those you love most!

alan

A Veteran's Day post...

Something I found last night as I was looking for photos for my grandaughter's Veteran's Day project at school. 40 years ago this year, taken by my Dad as I was on leave between "A" school at Memphis and my "C" school in San Diego.

May the week be kind to each of you!

alan

11 months ago...

I wasn't sure I would make it until Christmas. Let alone the rest of a bleak and dreary winter, the tail end of the drought that made things so brown and sad around me, the summer, a trip to Vermont and to the beginning of another holiday season!

But here I am!

And that holiday season kicked off early last evening with the arrival of Liam Fletcher at 8 pounds and 2 ounces. He and his Mama are doing well, and his Papa appears very proud in the text pic we received!

I don't know what else to say about things at the moment, except that it's been a very good year! I know what blessings I'll be thankful for in a few weeks!

Each of you among them!

May the rest of this lovely week be kind to each of you!

alan

11th round...

of chemo yesterday. The PICC line still doesn't work right, but we figured out there is a kink in it right where it goes in the arm, so cut one stitch and stood it up a bit and at least things worked better. After round 12 they're going to pull it and I'm going in to have a port surgically implanted in my chest. It's less maintenance and the only time there's adhesive on it is when I'm actually being infused, so that would be nice as well!

The last round was pretty rough between skin reactions, stronger than usual nausea and more blurred vision than usual. Perhaps the flu shot I had the week before was messing with me, or the respiratory but I picked up the week after. Finally started feeling human again on Thursday.

My only reading of late was "Inkheart" by Cornelia Funke. I'd loved the movie, and of course the book is better. I bought the three book set at a great discount, and needed a break from all the war related stuff for a bit. Now I've started Erich Maria Remarque's "Flotsam", a lesser-known novel of his written in 1939 and translated in 1941, set in 1937 Europe and revolving around all the poor souls being punted from country to country as their papers were revoked for being Jewish or too outspoken or some other perceived flaw. Very good so far, I got about 5 chapters in yesterday at chemo.

Our newest grandbaby is now due November 5th, he will be our 4th but Bill and Laura's first. Very much looking forward to this! John and Noel plan to renew their wedding vows in February, so there's another date to look forward to-I kind of plant these milestones out there to keep my focus somewhere other than my immediate "goings on".

The battery in my truck is 8 years old now ('07 truck built in late '06 and the '14's are out now) so I'm going to try to slip out to Sears in a minute and bring home a new Die Hard to put in it. It's not being driven much, but the idea of going out to go somewhere and having it not crank doesn't enthuse me. After that I need to put a set of tires on Dottie's Malibu. It has 80,000 on the Goodyear Assurance's I put on it almost 6 years ago; they aren't down to the wear bars, but don't have the wet traction they did when newer and they're predicting a wet winter for us. She credits the aggressive traction tread with saving her at least 3 times in heavy downpours and traffic, so we're going back with exactly the same tires again.

I hope this finds each of you enjoying a lovely fall!

May the world be kind to each of you!

alan

I've been lost in the pages...

of some great reads these past few weeks. I finished Remarque's "Three Comrades" and lept into Ken Follett's "Fall of Giants"; it covers much of the same time frame as "All Things Quiet on the Western Front", "The Road Back" and "Three Comrades", but written across 5 families and countries. I finished it just after the sequel "Winter of the World" hit paperback and drank those thousand pages as well. Follett sucked me in a few years ago with "Night Over Water", a novel that takes place aboard a Pan Am flying boat, a plane I've always had a love affair with. I only wish one had survived the war. Then I ran across another he'd written, "Hornet Moth" that involved fleeing from the Nazi's in a biplane that shouldn't have stood a chance.

    On the heels of those, I read Jules Verne's "Around the World in 80 Days" because I found a copy my grandson had bought in a book sale a few years ago and figured I'd better read it while it was at the top of the shuffle.

    For a while I'd been reading many comments about "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak so I've spent the last few days devouring it, finishing it when I got up today. I probably should have known better since I also have been taking Prednizone most of the last couple of weeks to keep me from scratching my arm wrappings off, and today had started the pre-chemo steroids as well. My eyes have been a bit puffy this afternoon, lol.

   Now I'm trying to decide what to start tomorrow! I need to get away from the WWI and 2 for a bit, and have a couple of things I'd like to start, but it may rain tomorrow and don't want to take a chance on getting a few of them wet. So I may just put my Kindle in a freezer bag and take it to chemo tomorrow and read some short stories instead, then start something else on Saturday!

   I got the Kindle because I had thought I'd be in the hospital a lot more than I have been and it would be easier than trying to keep a stack of books around. I haven't read it a lot yet, more because I've been getting to the library while the weather is good, along with picking up a few books of my own through the summer as well. I have more than enough things on it to keep me busy as well! I've been amazed at how many complete volumes of classics can be picked up for a few dollars, or even for free!

    Tomorrow is my next round of chemo, and if I haven't lost count, I have two more after it, then another PET scan to see what's going on inside me. Sometime around Thanksgiving, perhaps I'll know something, which will also mark the anniversary of the beginning of all this. Hopefully I can prove the statistics on the fibrosis wrong and this doesn't mark a halfway or quarter point, but I try not to think about that too much!

    May the weeks be kind to each of you!

alan

Back home again...

    I slipped off to Vermont last month, not long after my last post. I didn't want to "jinx" myself by talking about it beforehand, as on the health front things were just too "iffy" to be sure I could get there and back OK. Nothing went as planned, but everything worked out despite Murphy and his laws...

   The oxygen company dropped off a portable concentrater for me to use the day before I left. I'd tried to get one a few weekends before to experiment with, but they said they had none extra as it was peak vacation season. They were also supposed to drop off a smaller 5 liter machine for me to take with me, but it got left off their list. Dottie had already decided I was taking my 10 liter one from home, and the compressor for the walk-around bottles I've been using for the last 8 months, and I was lucky enough that the guy who drives the truck came up with another high-pressure bottle for me as well. Between the 4 that I have I can make 12-14 hours right now just on bottles, depending on my activity level.

    We packed and she loaded most of the car the night before; the morning we were leaving she loaded the two machines last, we put the portable in the backseat between them, and plugged it into the cigarette lighter. It alarmed immediately, and I went through the troubleshooting stuff and couldn't make it stop. We did the last errand we had in town as I called them and they asked if I could stop there on my way out of  town. We lost an hour, but they traded me machines and the 2nd one worked OK. On 12 volts it would maintain my numbers as long as I was sitting or driving-if I tried to walk I crashed immediately as it doesn't have the reserve to allow multiple "puffs" in the same breath like the bottles do. So when I was in the car I used the machine; each time we stopped I switched to one of my bottles.

   That night, in the first motel, I tried to shower and did OK in the beginning, but by the time I'd done my legs and feet, my numbers were down in the 70's and I was close to passing out. The directions said you could put a 50 foot hose on it; I only used a 25 and had it turned all the way up running on 110 from the motel. My lungs were aching for 3 days after that...every time my numbers get that low it's bad for a while.

   The 2nd night we made Vermont. We had worried about the 2700 foot passes going in, and I wore my oximeter the whole time, tracking my numbers and stayed at 98% while on the portable. After we cleared the passes, Dottie said she was too tired to drive further, so I took the wheel for the last 3 hours to her sister's.

   Of course, it was right after that she said that she was really hoping she'd get to see a moose this time, as I had 2 trips ago with her brother-in-law Tom. I'm driving, it's 11 at night and starting to get foggier by the minute. Somehow I just knew her moose was going to appear in front of the car, especially when it got to the point of foggy you could only see about 3 car lengths and I was down to minimum highway speed!

   Instead I drove into rain, and the visibility got a bit better. She never did get to see her moose this time (thank goodness)!

    When we got to her sister's, I'd used 2 of my medium bottles, I still had the smallest and largest full. We got things unloaded and started the machines up and then I slept about 10 hours.

   Since none of us were sure if this was my last trip over the mountains or not, instead of spending most of the time visiting family, they decided to take me all the places I'd always wanted to go in 36 years of visits, but hadn't been to, along with a few new ones I'd found that even they didn't know of. We managed new places almost every day of the two weeks, along with a couple of wonderful family barbecues. I managed to hit a few bookstores and bring home some new treats as well, all used but one. One is a 138 year old Library of Congress "extra" that gives the inventory of the library/art gallery Dottie's great-great-uncle gave the town of St. Johnsbury!

    The first Wednesday back I saw my pulmonologist. She said my lung capacity was back up just a smidge (42% up to 45%) and that I'd done well enough that if I promised not to try to "tough it out" and turn around and come back if things didn't work well, I could try to go to Colorado after Bill and Laura's first child is born in November. They are due early in the month and when they were here for Labor Day, Bill figured out that he most likely won't be able to travel at Thanksgiving. I really don't want them on the plains right then anyway, if there's any chance of them getting stuck. I-70 is the only place I've ever seen gates on the freeway ramps that they can padlock to keep you from getting on, and with a newborn that worries me!

   This last Tuesday I went in and had a new PICC line put into my right arm. They pulled the one in my left before the trip as it was 7 months old, which is old for one of those, and had a bit of a kink besides. It was so nice not having to travel with it, to wrap it to shower and to have my skin have a chance to heal!

   The new one is taking some getting used to as besides being in my right arm, it's also more towards the front and so every time the bicep moves it is in the way. Friday I had chemo, and after they cleaned all the dried blood and stuff from the PICC site at least the itch has stopped for the last few days! Between taking prednizone for that and the pre-chemo steroids I was a bit of an emotional wreck!

   After things settle down a bit I'll touch up and post some of the trip photos I came home with. Not as much scenery as I wish I'd shot, but some interesting places we visited.

    I hope life is being kind to each of you!

alan








 

Things are simmering nicely!

I've kept very busy since my last missive-finally was so exhausted last Thursday (4 days after the next round of chemo) that I had to take a few days to rest up, but now I'm ready to go again. I've spent time in the driveway (brakes and rotors on her Malibu, along with checking ball joints and tie rod ends; then changing the oil in my truck a few days later), I've shopped, and spent a lot of time dealing with phone calls as well. Amazing how much of one's life you can lose to voicemail!

I'm into Remarque's 3rd book dealing with WWI and its aftermath "Three Comrades". A movie I've seen more than a few times and loved, I wanted to read the book before I watch it again and my DVD is waiting, I swear telling me to hurry up! I've read more books in the last 6 months than I have in many years, and the list of those waiting keeps on growing.

When I ordered my sister's birthday stuff from Amazon I added a treat for myself (to get the free shipping, of course) acquiring "The Birth of the Hot", a series of sides Jelly Roll Morton recorded in 1926 and 1927, about 6 months either side of my Dad's birth. The name is appropriate, and the recordings have been cleaned up nicely compared to some of the "acoustic" (pre-electric microphone) things I've listened to through the years (and been grateful for).

I'm slowly ripping all my CD's and putting them on an MP3 player. I did some early this year, before my hospital stint, so I would have them during chemo sessions. I was glad to have them during the hospital stay, and putting the rest on a chip seems to make sense. I know there are purists that decry the sound quality, but the quality of my hearing is probably even worse than any fault they can find with the medium, and there is much to be said for the comfort of "your own" music as opposed to the ideas someone else would have for someone my age.

Last night Dottie came home and I had Beethoven playing on the Crosley. "The Complete Symphonies, Vol,1" conducted by Otto Klemperer leading the Philharmonia Orchestra. I heard a reference to his work, read about him and acquired them and have revisited them several times in the years since. I'll be ripping them in a little while, but wanted to get an update posted here before another day slips away from me!

I'm waiting for Dottie to get out of the shower to try and recreate a restaurant recipe (grilled chicken with peppers and cheese) for dinner. I have another to try for tomorrow, a variation of a Jacques Pepin one, but needed the oven for it and have baked potatoes in there right now.

I hope life is being kind to each of you! Here, I'm just grateful for each day and enjoying each as much as possible!

alan

Pulmonology visit yesterday...

went well. I had the function test, then saw my doctor and we went through the results. My capacity is down about 12%, but the diffusion (use of the oxygen I get) is unchanged and that means that the fibrosis is unchanged or only slightly worse; the drop in capacity is more due to how many times I've been sick through all this and therefore less active than either of us would have liked. Between getting in some walking and dropping some weight, I should recover most of that 12%. We've scheduled another PFT and appoinment for the first week of September. She's hoping that after the late spring and all the extra "lung bugs" that I stay healthy enough for the next little while to get ahead of things again. Here's hoping!!!

Monday I had my 7th round of chemo; Alimta only this time. So far I seem to be a bit less rough afterwards than usual, though I've slept a lot yesterday and last night. The real story will be told come next Monday when we see if I avoid my usual "week after chemo" round of chills, shakes and fever! That has hit a week to 10 days out each time so far; I'm hoping the lack of carbo-platinum ends it.

The 4th of July turned out wonderfully! Bill and Laura made it in from Colorado; her "baby bump" is showing now and they both seem to be doing well and looking forward to parenthood. John, Noel and the 3 grandkids were all here, along with my sister and brother-in-law along with their two boys and one of their girlfriends. Quite a houseful! It was a much cooler day than a year ago, and between the day and night time fireworks there were about 7 hours worth of fun, plus dinner and dessert.

Bill took me to Lowe's the day before and I bought a good painter's respirator; one that specifically filtered for sulfur dioxide, among other things. Since "black powder" is sulfur, potash and saltpeter I figured that would knock most of the fumes and it worked well! I smelled more powder from everyone's clothes when they came inside at the end of the night than I did the whole time we were outside!

I had planned to put a hose barb on it for my oxygen line, but slipped it on over the cannula and it worked just fine; my numbers stayed up well and I had a great night watching everyone light things. I used to take turns, but had thought those days were over as I don't exactly move like I used to.

My older nephew had other ideas, however! He acquired a few feet of slow burning fuse and laced it to the "finale", so I could go out and light it and have plenty of time to come back to my chair, sit and recover before it went off. In fact, it burned a bit slower than anyone thought it would and it took about 10 minutes before it finally did go off, lol! It was nice to still be a part of things!

Fed-Ex just dropped me off the rotors and front brake pads for Dottie's Malibu; I know what I'll be doing on her next day off! Hers are warped, the originals and I could have them turned, but then they'll tend to overheat which will make them warp again. These are better steel, slotted and drilled so they run cooler, and a very nice set of ceramic pads as well. Between that, rotating her tires, and a set of spark plugs her car should be good for another 100,000.

I hope life is being kind to each of you who still find your way here!

alan

50%...

is the reduction in the tumor and 2 of the 3 lymph nodes; the 3rd showed no change. The doctor was delighted and said that this is "proof of concept" and said we'll do 6 more rounds of Alimta, then another PET scan to see where things are at. (That scan will show what is still actively cancerous.)

The report also said the fibrosis is unchanged, which doesn't help explain my increased oxygen consumption, but perhaps the cold I've been fighting this week might. Dottie fought it for 3 weeks before it finally got the better of her and she was dizzy when she tried to get up on Monday. I started coughing stuff up that night. We're both on antibiotics and hoping this clears quickly! Pulmonologist appointment on the 10th, so we'll see how she reads that CT, and what the function test she's ordered for that morning shows.

Got a lovely text photo from my son yesterday-seems my grandson hit the cast iron sewer clean out with the lawnmower, and besides possibly totaling the lawn mower, cut the top off the steel cap and knocked half the threading from the pipe as well. I offered up my SawzAll and some blades so he could cut it off, sleeve it and replace it with plastic; sure glad it wasn't mine! (Added one here several years ago and made sure it was flush with the ground as I could see that coming!)

I hope you all have a lovely weekend and that life is kind to each of you!

alan

I had my morning IV...

radioactive of course, and a CT scan for a chaser. Follow up with the oncologist is Monday...

I hadn't planned to go quite so long between updates, but there were some complications following my 6th round of chemo, most of which have resolved, but whatever the bug was that got ahold of me, my lung capacity is down some; I'll know more after the 10th of next month. Until then I'm doing my best to keep on keepin' on!

Dottie is at the Humane Society now with a kitten that adopted the vacant house next door when it was abandoned. After having it hang around over there and around our driveway a few days, we got a good enough look at it to see it most likely has mange and has been mauled by someone's dog as well. No way we can take it in with Bill's two cats boarding here, or afford the "save" it, so the Humane Society was the only option. On the phone they said they couldn't take it in right now, but if she would bring it in they would look at it...Dottie went out at 2AM this morning to chase away a dog that had cornered it by our house and it was just sitting there meowing, so she's not happy about having to bring it back home and leave it outside.

Tuesday I'm hoping to feel up to visiting the Airline Museum at the old downtown airport-they have a Lockheed Constellation they've restored to TWA colors and flying status. Later this summer they plan to re-create Howard Hughes original coast-to-coast record breaking flight from 1944. It took that record from 14 down to 7 hours!

We're also beginning to plan another Vermont trip as we've been invited to our niece's wedding. I'm compiling lists of bookstores and places I'd like to see, and perhaps, for the first time ever, we'll stop at Niagara Falls after driving past it for 35 years. If I can time it right, "Old Rhinebeck Aerodrome" is a bit south of Albany, New York and if I can get there on a weekend, they fly WWI vintage aircraft or replicas every weekend in the summer, and on a calm day they even break out a 1910 Bleriot monoplane! I actually saw it on TV some years ago when they let Neil Armstrong fly it on a PBS series "First Flights" he had several years ago. (I also watched him bring that Constellation I spoke of into our downtown airport over the I-70 viaduct that lies just off the end of the runway and explain it was the steepest approach he'd ever seen, and was why with the advent of the jet age the airport had to move to its current location at KCI.)

I finished "All Quiet on the Western Front" and wish I'd managed to check out the sequel when I got it, as it's out of print and I'd really like to read it now. Instead I'm reading some Irene Nemirovsky short stories...

May life be kind to each of you!

alan