Saturday, September 01, 2012

I've seen the elephant!

   An old expression, from the guys that wandered this part of the West and further for when they'd "had enough".

   Very sorry for the long disappearance. I made the mistake of tying Facebook to my blog and when something came up I couldn't share with family I couldn't put it here either. Now, after over a year, everyone that needed to be told has and I can finally rear my ugly head again!

   When I had my physical last year, the blood work and all came back very nicely; it was even better this year. The curve ball come in being told I was in the beginning stages of COPD and have an enlarged heart.

   That explained what I thought was a "weight induced asthma" as I panted when I ran up the steps at work, or from the basement here at home; why the hot days were really hard on me (and this has been a wonderful summer for those).

   My oldest was in the process of changing jobs and I was told I couldn't tell him because it might influence his decision as to where he wanted to look for work. If I couldn't tell him, I couldn't tell other family members who might mention it accidentally.

   After 4 or 5 months I finally told my younger son because he knew I needed help with things I hadn't before. I had to swear him to secrecy, something I've always detested. I've never been one for keeping secrets or keeping things in! I remember a line from an old B.B. King/Bobby Blue Bland version of "Cherry Red" where B.B. tells Bobby "I ain't no refrigerator, I don't keep nothin' in". A much easier and I think healthier way to live life...

  Everyone in the family finally knows now, except for my Mother and there's not really any point to telling her as she would just figure a way to make it about her, anyway.

  My part time job is still called that, but they get 40 hours out of me and though I get two days off a week, they aren't together. It takes until the end of one to start to feel like doing anything and the next day I have to go back.

   One of the things that goes with the COPD is that respiratory bugs are harder to get over; they take longer doses of antibiotics and the first one last fall ended up with me also getting  a Ventolin inhaler. The first one lasted me 10 months. Between the heat and perhaps the worsening of my lungs, I've gone from using it once every couple of weeks except for when I'm fighting a bug, to using it 2 and even 3 times a day to keep that "elephant" I referred to above from sitting on my chest and making it so very hard to breathe.

   There are times that I can tell I have to stop for a few moments and let my lungs catch up with me because I'm either chuffing like an old locomotive, or I don't have enough breath to speak, or I can feel myself actually being confused from lack of air. There are times I wake up the same way in the middle of the night (one of the reasons I'm using the inhaler more often, as I seem to sleep better if I use it just before bed)

  To all who've left notes or inquired elsewhere, I'm truly sorry to have had to lie low for so long.

   May life be kind to each of you!