Monday, May 18, 2009

If I weren't bald...

there are times I'd rip my hair out, I swear!

Having been forbidden from blogging before I ever began (by several years), this haunt has been a secret for many years now. It's not that my sons, my sister and my nephews don't know; I even shared the URL with a trusted few from work what seems like ages ago now. I don't think any of them have been here in years...my sister let something slip about my Facebook page a while back and I expected to hear more about it, but there was a grimace and silence...so far...

Keeping secrets from the one who knows you best is frustrating! Trying to keep a lid on the emotions when someone you care for is going through something, no matter whether it's small or life-threatening; when you know that were it a different life you'd be "there" at the drop of a hat (or a plane ticket).

So when asked what's wrong you say "nothing"...or cite something else.

Wish it weren't that way, but I'm not about to pull the plug on this or my friendships or my heart. So, I'll deal somehow...the double edged sword of regret flaying me the whole time...

Not what I was planning to write today; forgive me!

May the week be kind to each of you!

alan

11 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

I hope whatever is wrong is soon better. I usually vent to only a few people, and hide from everyone else.

Samantha said...

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

You know, knowing you, and your situation better than what's on you blog alone, sometimes I feel just a little bit angry at what you have to deal with. You're wonderful people Alan, and there's no reason things should be so one sided. Forbidden to blog. How about BITE ME!

Wait, did I say that out loud? Yeah, I guess I did. Sorry.

Hope things improve fast!

Stephanie said...

One of the best ways to get someone to do something is to forbid them from doing it.
Didn't someone say that once?
Oh well, I did now.
Big hugs...

Anji said...

I'm sorry to read that. People who don't blog just don't get it.

Rob doesn't really appreciate my blogging and sometimes he's amazed at the stories I tell him from all over the world. He just doesn't understand how I feel about my blogging friends.

chrissie said...

I guess I don't get it, Alan.

I always like to try and see someone else's point of view, but sometimes that ain't possible becuase it makes no sense.

Why should anyone object to your blogging? Is it a generation gap thing...?

Just ignore it, cariad.
love
chrissie
xxx

CrackerLilo said...

I am so sorry that you feel the need to keep this a secret from someone you love so much. I'm sorry to be part of that secret. My wife doesn't use the internet nearly as much as I do--it's for hockey highlights, playing chess with strangers when friends can't play, news from Russia, and communications with Russian relatives as far as she's concerned. She doesn't get blogging, either, and sometimes she'll ask me to please not say something. (And then I don't.) She likes that it makes me happy, though.

My mom knows about my and my brother's blogs, but in both cases, reading our sex stories made her stop. :-)

So now I understand why your posts and comments aren't as frequent as I'd like. I hope the situation improves, I really do. I have a hard time even keeping secrets like what my wife's getting for Solstice from her; I couldn't imagine your situation! *hugs*

von Krankipantzen said...

Holy frustrating, indeed! But your blog is such a great outlet and you are likely a better person, day to day, because of it. Hang in there.

Chandira said...

Nothing wrong with a good vent when you need one!!

And boy can I relate to that post!! I think a lot of us can, more than would care to admit.

A lot of my friends read my blog, and it's a bit of a drag in a lot of ways. I think I'd be a bit more candid if they didn't, I sometimes feel I'm hiding the best bits.. :-)

robin andrea said...

Am I reading this right? This seems all very sad, alan. It's like you have to hide the very best parts of yourself from the people who love you and who you obviously love. I hope you find some peace with all of this.

Annie said...

i have never understood how you can handle the secrecy it involves. but that's just me.

Green tea said...

My Hubba knows I blog, isn't interested and I doubt he has ever read it.
Though I did send him the link at work once..
I hope things get better for you Alan.
Sending good vibes,,