Saturday, November 10, 2007

Another 6...

Tagged by "jlb" at " it begins..." last Friday I had promised to get this up during the week, but with the weather being so warm and me trying to get things done, plus being back on the 10 hour days, I didn't get it done. Since she is gone to a writer's conference this weekend (hooray) this is going to be up 'til probably Wednesday, as Dottie is off on Tuesday.

I got home at 4 this morning and tried to bloghop through my roll and visit you all, but at around 5 my eyes crossed and I couldn't go any further...I'm very sorry, and will be around as I get a chance. As I write this I've been up not quite an hour, it's 60 outside, and I have 5 hours of daylight left to get something done; please forgive me?

This list is called:

Six Random Facts/Habits About Myself That I Haven’t Already Posted

I've been mulling through things now, and don't know if I have six...we'll see! I'm putting some out this time I would never have dared to before. None my sons don't know about, but their wives and my sister don't...hopefully this slips under the radar...

1) I have a great fear of posting pictures of myself like I did below. In a world with George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Clive Owen, I fear making people retch! (For all of you that said kind words below, thank you!)

2) In reading a few other lists that people posted it seems many of their misadventures were alcohol fueled. While I have had a few of those, most of them ended with my body functioning and my mind not, therefore it was never my favorite painkiller. "Better living through chemistry" did have a high place on that list however, "back in the day". "Microdot", "windowpane" and "blotter" were all consumed through the years and led to some very strange adventures. Attending "Andy Warhol's Frankenstein in 3D" was one. Riding my motorcycle there and back should probably count for two...bowling the highest score of my life when the other end of the alley was a twisted, writhing mosaic of color...

3) The very last time I ever did the above Dottie and I hadn't been together too long. I went to a party with some biker friends and decided it was time for me to leave. Wisely, on foot. However on the way home, as I walked down the sidewalk minding my own business I watched a fire hydrant jump out and attack my leg!

4) Now, at my advanced age, everytime I can't remember something I wonder "if I had back a few of those brain cells" would this be happening. In my heart I know it probably would, but there is always that nagging doubt!

5) When I decided to sign my organ donor card the above worried me so badly I asked 2 MD's if there was a possibility of my organs or skin or something causing some poor innocent who received them a "flashback". Both were amused by the question and said that no, as long as I wasn't having any problems, the recipients wouldn't either.

6) After I had given up the above, my last foray into psychedelics involved mushrooms and varnish. At the rental house I walked home to above, the living room floor was wood and had had motorcycles torn apart on it by the previous tenant. The landlord had agreed that whatever we spent to refinish it we could deduct from the rent, so we stripped it. The afternoon I started to varnish it I had bought some very good polyurethane spar varnish, but only had enough money left for some cheap paint brushes. As I opened the can, a friend stopped by...not long after I was very very stoned, tripping on mushrooms, high on paint fumes, and trying to pick the brush bristles out of the varnish as the brush was shedding one about every 4 inches...

A "freebie":

When he was in college my oldest blew his ACL in a martial arts class. When he had it repaired he "came to" in the hospital the physics major honor student was absolutely convinced that the anesthesia had ruined his mind because he couldn't do some of the complex math things he normally could in his head. This is about 15 minutes after he "woke up". I kept trying to convince him he was fine, that it was just the anesthetic and that when the rest of it wore off he would be OK. He was absolutely paranoid, so I started telling some of the above stories.

The guy in the next bed was a bit older than Bill, but not my age. I thought he was unconcious; he had had disc surgery and was "out" except for hitting the button on his pain pump everytime he stirred.

When checkout time for Bill came (23 hours after he went in) I went to go get the car, and while he waited the guy told him to thank me for the stories, he really enjoyed them!

May the weekend be kind!


P.S. Hopefully none of you are offended by the above stories; it was a different time and a different world...


ZILLA said...

Offended??? Bah!

I have never hallucinated, but only because the possibility of a bad trip scares me. I have had the privilege of hearing Moose's mushrooming tales, and Myrt's as well. I say "privilege" because they were not afraid or ashamed to share with their mother experiences that most people would consider it my duty to disapprove of.

Honesty is the best policy.

I'd rather know all of a person than only part of a person.

Regarding #1, I don't know who Clive Owen is. Brad Pitt is a pretty-boy without much physical character. George Clooney got smart and went gray -- as did Richard Gere, who is more interesting to look at than he is beautiful -- and I admire a guy with the confidence to go natural. If the broads in Hollywood would just get on board with this idea (Streep is on her way, I think!) my girlfriends could quit wasting their credit on laser surgery and Clairol.

You're a handsome devil. Dottie's a lucky girl.

ryssee said...

Funny stories, and that must have been a blast from the past for you to think about and remember. I have been attacked by No Parking signs and wayward things grabbing my legs from the floor, none of them mammals and all of them imaginary, but never a fire hydrant.
It is a very nice picture by the way. My mom hates pics of herself, but to me she's beautiful and she's got the kind of smile that makes you want to talk to her.

HAR said...

I loved this Alan! I've also had my fair share of attacks.

I also wonder, just like you did in #4. about my memory.

kath said...

offended? heck no... most of us have those stories in our pasts.. I know that I do....

as far as Brad Pitt and so on... It is you who are so sweet and funny and friendly and kind..
silly you


robin andrea said...

I read some of your stories out loud to Roger. We had a good laugh, and maybe even a flashback of our own!

roger said...

mmmmmmmm windowpane!!!

ya know they got "night bowling now?" black lights and glowing balls and pins! now how could anyone dream that up without help from dr feelgood.

i watched disney's "fantasia" while tripping, 1969, in austria. really.

i sometimes wonder if i'm living in a flashforward.

alan said...

zilla- That is a definite possibility; I had more than a few of those, and also got "strychnined" a time or two as well!

ryssee- I saw that fire hydrant jump to get my leg; I did not just walk into it!

har- My house runs on post-it notes!

kath- Thank you!

robin- It's funny how looking back through time you remember the good and not the bad!

roger- I thought of that when I saw the "Cosmic Bowl" signs in front of our local alley. I broke 200 that day, and won a turkey as well as it was Thanksgiving time and if a starred pin was the lead and you got a strike, you won a turkey! I've never broken 140 since, not that I go a lot...

So many things seem like they must be a flashforward now!


Dr. Deb said...

These were great Alan.

And you are as well!

CrackerLilo said...

I'm not at all offended! Educated, but not offended. And glad I never went past cigarettes and liquor, too. :-)

KellyNerd said...

Not offended... thoroughly entertained!!! Thanks for sharing your list!

Ange (formerly Writer Mom) said...

I know who Clive Owen is. Mmmm.
He gets better with age.
It's his eyes. Experience comes through in his acting. Very appealing. Children of Men? Mmm. Depressing movie. Great Clive Owen. And I think he had speckled gray.


Yay for posting your handsome self despite the Clive Owens.
Look at it from OUR point of view, though. Clive is 48? Sexiest Man Alive Matt Damon age38, humbly calling himself an aging surburban husband & father.
What do women deal with??
Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan.
Bah! Can't tell you how much it bothers me whenever B.Spears gets plastered on the tellie as a big joke because of her post-mama body shaking it at the MTV awards.
She looked pretty damn good to me, and I don't even like her.

Oh, how quickly they turn, those fickle men.
Most women still find Sean Connery sexy. I certainly have a thing for 65-year-old Harrison Ford.
Your odds are much better, all I'm saying. When's the last time Meryl got on a hot list?
(Not that being hot means anything at all.)
The internet's helping us all bypass the tabloids and go back to appreciating one another's beauty.
End of rant.

On the issue of anesthetic and memory loss, this got me paranoid. Eldest son may have been on to something. Just old enough to realize. Jack had surgery at 18 months, and I always wonder if that effected his language somehow. The good news is that he's almost completely caught up, but only lately does it seem like he's tuned in and remembering things from years ago.
He used to never bring up the past, but I can tell when he looks at pictures, something's coming back to him.
It's fascinating.

Ya never can tell with bees.

Thanks for sharing the stories.
Couldn't shake Hunter S. Thompson from my thoughts. Made me grin. Who knew?

jlb said...

lol...some of these images made me laugh...your life has definitely been lived...

and thanks for posting your pic. it's nice to put a face to your name.